shine on

ask kitty

Vol 13

Justin P, Los Angeles, CA

What is your biggest dream/desire?

Dear Justin,

Thank you for your heartfelt question. I must apologize for the long overdue response. It’s been a minute, an hour, a month, a year. Quite the collective journey!

I have definitely slipped into the “Abyss.” Am I am the only one?

Are we ready for this transformational moment? Are we poised for the possibilities this new era offers? My biggest desire is to find my true place in our communal journey. I am no longer the heroine, I am the goddess/wise woman. It’s time for me to step up and shine on.

I have been avoiding dreaming and desiring for fear that this past year and a bit has made expansion impossible. I hate this mindset. I really find it despicable yet here I am mired in it, trying to extract my self. OK - let the extraction begin! I dream of growing UP.  I dream of using more of my mind, more of my internal power. This seems simplistic - simple is hard. I dream of doing newer, bigger things. Of shining a brighter light on the incredible humans I find myself surrounded by. Of expanding, not collapsing. Of creating something on a scale that I never saw coming.  I desire clarity, camaraderie and calm. I desire opportunity for all. I desire true collaboration.

I’m here for you, Justin. I’m here for myself. Let’s dream a beautiful collective dream.

Stay well,

Kitty 

glows & grows

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Vol 10

Greer W, Vancouver, Canada

What are your glows?... what are your grows?

Dear Greer,

I love your stylish question. 

We are here, together at ‘ask kitty’ Vol 10 - I’m glowing about that! 

My biggest glow, in the simplest of terms, is my ability to make things up. From an early age I had what the adults around me would politely call ‘an over-active imagination.’ I would see things that were not quite there. I would organize things that were there into something far more magical and powerful. A cluster of branches outside of my bedroom window became a witch perched in the tree watching my every move.  The clouds and shadows hovering over the ocean at dusk were formulating into some kind of briny monster that would engulf me if I turned my back. A bit over-imaginative for sure! I was lucky enough to find a world to live in that not only valued my ability to visualize but taught me how to channel it in productive rather than destructive ways. I learned to harness this kind of thinking and attach it to music and story. This ‘magical thinking’ made the original works created for Hysterica Dance Co. possible. My choreography for Hysterica remains my biggest glow.

My grows; a few things I would like to improve/alter moving forward. Hmmmmm, this list could be quite long!  I would like to have more self confidence. I would like to be more aggressive. I REALLY should cut down on the multi-tasking. I would like to diversify. Fundamentally I would like to do exactly what you are asking - grow. I’m not sure what that looks like. I’m fascinated by what I can capture with a camera and that unlike ephemeral live performance it stays captured. That durability is reassuring in these times, it’s like a tiny piece of permanent magic.

Stay well,

Kitty 

power

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Vol 8

Minami M., Osaka, Japan

What does dancing mean to you?

Dear Minami,

Thank you for this precise question. To me, dancing means power. The internal power that comes from self-reflection and subsequent articulation. This stealth power is the key to my survival. NO ONE can take it from me or shut it down. It is hovering safely, quietly within me ready to be accessed. 

A few days ago I was looking at videos of rehearsals for Hysterica Dance Co. As I watched I experienced something very unexpected - I felt at peace. These rehearsals were challenging, we worked hard with no $ and little expectations, and yet looking at them I was overcome by a feeling of contentment. We were true to ourselves and each other. We gained power in the process by respecting each ‘self’ and executing the articulation of that self without judgement. 

For me, dancing also means community. I’m not interested in dancing alone or making dance for myself. The meaning and JOY for me is in the exchange. 

Stay well,

Kitty 

art in plague times

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Vol 6

Timea P., Los Angeles

Where do you think our industry goes? What are the biggest changes that we will face? Performing arts in general.

Matthew L., Birmingham, UK

Do you think artists must suffer?

Dear Timea and Matthew,

Thank you! I share your questions and concerns.

I’m scared yet optimistic. I’m reading about other plague times (Shakespeare lived through a few) and learning that as frightening as these times may be they will no doubt seed some incredible creativity. Things will be different - they have already changed so significantly - but no one is better at ‘pivoting’ than artists. It may be a few before I will cram myself into the elevator with 15 opera singers to get out of the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion a few minutes early. It may be a few before I can lose myself in a room full of sweaty humans sharing time and space. It may be a few - but we will get there.

I think folks will need us to grapple with the story of this plague and the emotional toll of living through it and grieving those who did not. They will need us to shape it into something that provides empathy, perspective and communal healing. So, to answer your question Matthew, yes. We must suffer along with the rest - we can’t fly high, numb ourselves or avoid the truth. We must take it in, manipulate it and offer it up in a way that we can all heal from it. 

We have each other, for that I am supremely grateful. We have the fortitude to steadily work  through the most challenging situations (anyone who has taken a dance class knows this is true!) What we fear now will fuel us later.

Stay Well,

Kitty

bravery/doubt yin/yang

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Vol 5

Baden S., Los Angeles

If you could talk to your teenage self, what advice would you give her?

Derek S., Los Angeles

Do you ever struggle with comparing yourself to others. And if so how do you deal with those feelings?

Dear Baden and Derek,

If I could talk to my teenage self I would tell her to listen. Listen to that inner voice. The voice that dreamt of Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Broadway and city lights - a far cry from the pocket sized town I grew up in - and honor that voice. The voice is subtle and rich. It is an anchor for me as I write this. I would tell her not to underestimate the intuition that is guiding her, indulge it, feed it and follow it however narrow the path may be. I’ve always struggled with self-doubt (see part 2) so I would also urge her to be brave. Bravery-Doubt is my very personal Yin-Yang.

Do I ever struggle with comparing myself to others. DO I? YES! The quick response, courtesy of my dear friend Jessica Kubzansky, is “compare and despair.” Words to live by, especially if you are sensitive (check), competitive (check), filled with self-doubt (check). (Does that last period go before the ) or after the )?)? It’s beautiful and painful to move through your life and see folks you have nurtured surpass you. It really is beautiful and it really is painful. If I begin to compare my “achievements” or “talent” to others - especially my others - I will go dark. That brings me back to the inner voice thing and the expression of that inner voice. So unique, so incomparable - for each of us - that it’s delightful. Who can create something like I can, no one. Who can dance like you can, no one. And that’s it - we are each beyond compare. 

Stay Well,

Kitty

darkness and magic

ask kitty

Vol 4

Blake M., Medellín, Colombia

Do you ever feel lost? Making a living from creating is often inexorably daunting... What are some of the things you do to get out of the feeling of being stagnate/uninspired?

Jasmine A., San Pedro, CA

how do you make magic in times of darkness?

Dear Blake and Jasmine,

Thank you for the beautiful questions. For me they are bound together. Our shared experience these past 9 months has left me feeling lost - like I’m floating in a void. Occasionally I will touch down in a moment of clarity, grasp a sliver of insight, and then I‘m off again.

I don’t often feel stagnant or uninspired - for that I am grateful. However I have been overwhelmed by fear, the darkness crashing down on me like a wave. In those moments I feel like a tiny child in a vast, dark room. I try to tiptoe myself out of that terrifying room the same way I did when I was a tiny child - through my imagination. I fantasize, I imagine beauty, grace and light. I grasp on to that tendril of light and pull myself up.

This conversation is helping - the sense that I’m not alone in sending out these tendrils. We are making a net of light that will hold us up in these dim days.

Stay well,

Kitty

Music or Movement first?

ask kitty

Vol 3

Adam P., Los Angeles

“When first creating a piece, what is your impetus, movement or music?”

Paulo A., Toronto

“Being a fan of your work and being blessed to dance for Hysterica for many years, what comes first when you make dances, the music or the movement?”

Dear Adam and Paulo,

Music. People. Music.

I’m sorry that I’ve inserted humans into your fine questions but without them populating my imagination, any impetus is fruitless.

I may start with an idea or concept but it’s ALWAYS the music (and the specific people that I see inhabiting it) that guide me into the work.

Two pieces of music offered me equally profound inspiration. They may seem worlds apart but Dolly Parton’s Little Sparrow inspired me as much as Mahler’s Symphony No.5 in C-Sharp Minor IV. Adagietto. The masterful construction of each taught me to analyze the overall structure of my choreography, provoked me to strip away any excess and tormented me to finish what I had started. The Mahler was particularly tormenting - relentlessly returning to it’s theme with such clarity and beauty that I could not sully it with anything other than the truth.

Stay Well,

Kitty

Link to Little Sparrow Dancers - Tara Avise, Justine Clark, Nina McNeely

Link to Mahler. Dancers - Tara Nicole Hughes, Tara Brook, Dominic Chaiduang, Nina McNeely, Lisa K. Lock

Do you need to worry about leaving behind a legacy?

ask kitty

Vol 2

Dear Adam,

This question has been on my mind as well. The funny thing is that whether we worry about it or not, we do leave behind a legacy. Legacy, as defined by Cambridge Dictionary, is “something that is a result of events in the past.” Those folks in the future will be responding to our actions in the now.

The work we create now, the community we build, the actions we take will without a doubt impact future generations of dancers (and humans!) 

I feel my own legacy most profoundly in the lives of the incredible people who populated my company, Hysterica Dance Co. Glimmers of the lasting result (if there is one) are present in the very personal art we generated together. More deeply, it is present in the space we carefully carved out for the genuine acceptance of our selves exactly as we were.

The tiny trickle of freedom that we gifted each other has grown more powerful over time.  A stream, a torrent and now a flood of self acceptance that nourishes those far beyond a small, DIY dance company in LA.

The word legacy stems from the Medieval Latin - legates - person delegated. 

I now delegate you!

Stay well,

Kitty